Saturday, October 22, 2011

A list of things Crogabond hates

Let me paint a picture a picture for you: your alarm wakes you up at 7:30 one morning, and you are dead. Well, shit. Fuck! There you are, silver and see through, your waist growing smaller until it is but a wisp. You hover above your body. What the fuck do I do now? Goodness fucking gracious! You yell at yourself, but it doesn't work. You float through the wall, and rather than seeing a town still asleep, with only few awaken by the bitter siren of work or insomnia, you see something else. What are all these other fucking ghosts doing out here?

It's just going to be one of those days, you suppose. One of those days... you hate.

Here is a list of things Crogabond hates.

  • Babies. Babies cry, and they bitch. Of course, Crogabond was once a baby, but he fixed that by not being a baby. Are you a baby?
  • Boxing gloves. What kind of joker uses boxing gloves? If you wanna box, here's what you gotta do; get a box. And then punch someone wiTH YOUR BARE FISTS YOU FUCKING COWARD.
  • Cartoons. What, you wanna watch baby shows? Are you a baby? Go shove Porky Pig up your ass, baby.
  • Anime. Cartoons for ugly people.
  • Blu-ray. Crogabond doesn't know what this is, but it sounds like a soul musician from the 80s.
  • Conventions. Strange people like to meet up at these places and do weird shit. You need to go to a convention, alright - a facelift convention!
  • Furries. Much like the Blu-ray, Crogabond doesn't know what this is. He just knows that he doesn't want to be any part of it.
  • Video games. Stop having acne and enrol into the army, you suckers.
  • Dolls. You call them action figures? Seriously? Crogabond likes to suck the life out of Tom Cruise and then play out Mission Impossible with his lifeless body. That is what he calls action figures. 
  • Some dinosaurs suck too I guess
Additionally, here is a list of things Crogabond is at peace with.

  • Other dinosaurs are pretty sweet
  • Skateboards
  • Crowns
Both lists are subject to change.