Monday, September 21, 2009

Crogablomics #1

When life gives you hats, you make hard choices.

Spy sappin' mah... something. Something funny.

Once upon a place called Wicked Witch Software a lad did some work experience. There really wasn't any work for him to do, lacking any skills necessary to contribute to any projects.
Seemed as good a time as any to teach himself 3dsmax, because he had never done any 3D modeling stuff before.

Had a bit of some stuff to show after his 5 days there. Guys believed he had talent.
They paid him $50, which he used to buy The Beatles : rockband. Because it is cool.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Spiral Men

The spiraling shape will make you go insane
(Everyone wants to see that groovy thing)
But everyone wants to see that groovy thing
(Everyone wants to see that thing)
And nobody knows what it's really like
But everyone says it's great
And they heard it from the spiral in their eyes

I woke up this morning, crawled out of bed, made a cup of coffee, read the paper and then went to the bathroom to shave. And then I dropped my coffee.
I blinked. At the time, I thought I saw something around my eyelid. I blinked again. I stayed up late doing work that night, and I guessed it was just my crows' feet moving a little bit. And I was right, but not entirely accurate.

My crows' feet were actually playing dead.

It was Saturday, a day off. So, naturally, I spent my day slouching around watching the television. My weekends were usually like this. Uneventful. Sometimes I would get a call from a mate to go to the pub, but most of the time I dismiss it quickly. I couldn't be fucked.

For a long time I couldn't stop thinking about my eyes. It sort of felt like they were quivering, moving, and at one point in the day, a little bit of my vision went white, and it gave me an awful headache.
I wandered into the bathroom later than night, holding my temples with my thumb and index fingers, and got some medicine. The throbbing was pretty terrible. After I swallowed both tablets, I had a long, hard look at myself. I thought of how much of a fuck-up I was, how I haven't achieved anything I ever wanted to in my life. I swore at my reflection, a few tears running down my check. I held my hand on the sink and looked down into the plug hole. I was there for several minutes.

Then I looked up at the mirror.

My right pupil slithered.

I thought I was seeing things, and chuckled it off a bit.

And then my right pupil opened.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Hitler Likes Videogames?

It has been recorded that sometime in World War II (apparently nearing the end of it), it has been reported that Hitler may, in fact, enjoy and like videogames. The direct quote is "Shit! This is turning out worse than "E.T" on the Atari 2600!". It is said that this was recorded as Hitler was starting to lose the battle.

The press have been all over this, wondering if videogames could be the antichrist, and could be working with Hitler to start the next World War. The Government has reported that there is a man that has a moustache that resembles Hitler's in Grand Theft Auto IV. Police are searching the game for further details. It has been reported that the F.B.I is looking through Super Mario Galaxy's code, looking for words that spell out Hitler's plans.

What does that mean for us Gamers? Will we ever play a game unwatched by the Government again? Will they watch as we "pwn" "noobs" at Halo 3, and then stick our nuts in the dead person's face? Have they found us out? I will assure you, readers, that I will keep you updated. No F.B.I agent will watch me play Animal Crossing.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Why we don't post as often as you want

Soyvoyage: Knockers.
Kaatridge: Jugglies.
Soyvoyage: Wibblie wobblies.
Kaatridge: Tits.
Soyvoyage: Throbbing cock.
Kaatridge: Oh.
Soyvoyage: I mean boobc.
Soyvoyage: boobs, sorry.
Soyvoyage: They confuse me so.
Kaatridge: Umm. OK, OK. melo... listen man, I can't do this. What?
Soyvoyage: I get them confused because they spend an equal amount of time in my mouth.
Kaatridge: What the fuck was that man? Cock?
Kaatridge: Seriously? Dude.
Kaatridge: Dude.
Soyvoyage: BOOBS
Soyvoyage: C'mon man, cut me some slack.
Kaatridge: I feel kind of uncomfortable now.
Kaatridge: I'm not sure I can do this.
Soyvoyage: Look man, this doesn't usually happen.
Soyvoyage: Anyone can make mistakes.
Kaatridge: I know, but it's just... it is a kind of weird mistake.
Kaatridge: I don't... yeah.
Soyvoyage: Dude, I keep on telling you.
Soyvoyage: Confusion due to:
Soyvoyage: Time
Soyvoyage: Spent
Soyvoyage: In
Soyvoyage: Mouth.
Kaatridge: You are a weird motherfucker.